I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this hospital has no fireball
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
