Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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