I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Come see our sink grown plant.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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