I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
did i just pee glitter
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
