I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
