Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
