Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
