it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
