hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
