tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
