I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
