His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
