I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
