i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
