Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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