I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
