Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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