Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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