Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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