wakey wakey hands off snakey
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
