Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
