She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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