Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
