somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
