i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
