i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
