Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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