haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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