my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
