just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
