I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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