he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
