I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
