I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
