I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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