K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
