Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
