I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
