Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
