he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
