Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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