she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
