both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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