Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The air was thick with penises
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
