I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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