They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
