JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
