Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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