I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
