Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
